the past two years have been very difficult and challenging
for all the reasons and circumstances that appeared before me.
in my heart, i feel everything deeply.
in my soul, i search and see pictures of unfolding consistently.
in my mind, i sit watching
all the parts of me striving and struggling,
happy and sad,
despairing and delighting.
sometimes in quiet
other times in tearful quests of insight.
i have consistently reached a place inside of myself
that feels like i am falling down a never-ending rabbit hole
that has no sides to grab a hold of
or push against to slow myself down.
i’ve been in runaway trains on my life’s journey
that i have had no control over,
feeling pushed back by the force
until i realized that i was moving through the speed of light.
this time, this tidal wave of light
that cocooned itself around me
has been pressing in and down upon me,
until one day i realized
that i was no longer any body, or any one thing,
i was no one, in general
and it drained me of my emotions.
on the one hand, to be no one
has allowed me to simply be nothing.
getting sick put the icing on the cake
because nothing on my control panel
was working, in fact there was no control panel, ever, really.
life is full of experiences of quickening
moments of despondency and droplets of happiness,
and they are the flowers of beauty in life
the fragrances, that come and go, and catch our attention.
to be no one and nothing,
to feel something of a directionless movement,
pulling my balance down,
allowed me to watch this weather pattern,
lighting up my world and flattening it all at the same moment,
to be just that…..
an opportunity to discern
the parts and pieces, the visible and the invisible,
the essence and substance of this life.
and i got it again….i got to this place where i’m simply life.
to be life is to see these opportunities of traveling
through the speed of light,
moving through a tunnel of space and time,
as a means by which to bring me to the real place i dwell and belong.
it brings me to the place where i exist, just to be.
it brings me to this beautiful infinite, light-filled space
where i can sit or stand, kneel or lie down,
and feel the delicateness and purity of it all.
to feel the essence of that which we are all one with.
to feel surrounded by a quickening pulse, a warm wave,
a silken thread weightless, unwoven, yet shimmering with lightness,
unveiling: i am no body, no thing, no one special person.
but one of the many droplets of life.
i am one of the beings who humanly wishes to care,
for this space between the inside of the cocoon
and the emerging of the butterfly’s wings.
for to emerge in this space of pure beauty, flight and speed,
time and timeless infinity,
that has no bounds or boundaries,
only places unhindered by form and limitations,
offers a new way of being present
pulsing and radiating, for the love of it all.
weather-worn with each new journey,
i have arrived into this vast sanctuary of life.
this time the journey had rabbit holes and thresholds,
to dive into and precariously cross.
it had runaway trains and fields and meadows
of wildflowers and starry constellations, raining down smiles of wisdom.
it had tidal waves of memories and catapulting momentum
pushing me forward and backward, upward and downward.
the journey was arduous and took all of me, again,
yet seeing what is true, at the end, always seems so simple,
or maybe another way of seeing it is to notice another pearl of wisdom
in the shell of venus found as the tidal wave recedes.
we are not our bodies,
we are a space and a place full of light and love and life
where the wellsprings of the never-ending
waters of refreshment constantly flow,
where the beauty of the inside of the rose petals’ colour and fragrance dwells,
and the growing tips of discovery unfold
within each inner gaze of dawning awareness,
within each moment of quiet reflection and perception,
within each movement fully enlivened.
and right at that moment of feeling the date of expiration arriving,
with a dying ability to continue,
the emergence and the dissolution generally occurs at the same time.
opening all the senses to the beauty of living.
as i reposition my self, i see my place in it all
and i accept that response and ability to help hold open
this living, translucent, droplet of life’s water,
this sanctuary of living wisdom
with complete joy and humbleness.
i will look for my wings of every brilliant colour and alight with a joy
to embrace the whole ethereal, pulsing, sparkling, beautiful,
really undefinable,
radiant space and place, wellspring-fueled experience and perception
of who we all are and always will be.
behind all we see with our human eyes,
within this world’s initiation of the caterpillar,
into the warmth of the interiors of the cocoon,
there lives a butterfly.
within each one of us.
swirling around in every crevice and expanse of the universe
we are no body.
we are but a radiance of light and love
ready to emerge from the eternity of beauty
alighting in the magnificence of the butterflies.
written by jill rosemary labelle sophie